More chapters...

Well, it seems as if an eternity has passed since I last posted and here I am...still searching. It seems as if I have a few more answers as to what I am doing. It is the "Where? How? and When?" that is looming now. All of it seems so small compared to what my friends are going through. I watch them go through difficult times. Some, I can see such faith and perseverance and I know they can see God's hand in the situation. Somehow that is so comforting, to see His face, his hand in the most difficult times of our lives. To know that on the other side of the darkest of clouds He waits for us. In others, they struggle without realizing He is refining them for His purpose. Without being able to see Him, they feel tired and weary. I can see it in them and can sense that they are giving up. It is amazing to watch this in people. It makes me very aware of how I react to things. It makes me try to find God in everything......I heard someone say just today that they praise God every time they have a delay in their life. Something like a flat tire, to them, is something to praise Him for. They feel like they have been saved from something possible awful....that they may never even know what it could have been. And that is okay with them. Instead of feeling angry or bitter, they feel thanksgiving in their heart. They feel as if God has diverted their path, for the betterment of their life! Oh! That I may find that kind of joy in everyday encounters...

Breanna graduates from preschool tonight. A joy, yes, but also a bit sorrowful. She is definitely growing up. She is my only girl and my baby on top of that. She is so animated and so full of life. I can't help but wonder what her biggest brothers would think of her. Would they think she was a pest and a prissy little baby? Or, would they revel in having a little sister and protect her and love on her and just be so overjoyed in her? It is something I can only imagine....and I do that quite often. I can picture being a flower girl at one of their weddings and wanting to dance at the reception in her beautiful dress with her big brother, all dressed up. They all have such beautiful cheerful smiles...I am sure the camera would have just eaten them all up..

And Bryce, just finishing 2nd grade. So grown up he is.. sometimes I have to remind myself he is only eight. He comforts me and seems to be such an old soul. He is such a cross between his brothers and yet, at the same time, so different from them all. He loves reading and math, and just blows me away with his intelligence. He loves sports. I can't believe that I find myself actually looking forward to this fall and watching him play football. God must've done some work and softened me in that area. I NEVER thought that would happen to me. He is just such a natural that I just feel comfortable letting him play. He is softening too. He is so serious sometimes, but I can tell he is going through some changes. I can see the Master sharpening and yet softening him at the same time. It is a privelige to watch. This year has been tough. I try not to make comparisons, but he is almost finished with second grade. That is an accomplishment that one of his brother's never got to do. It is extra emotional for me. I try not to let it show or interfere with how I am with him. I just pray for wisdom to know how to handle my emotions and to continue to learn as I go the best way to me a mom....again.