WHY??????

The other night I felt like God told me specifically to change my thoughts about this blog and use it to share more of myself, my story and basically start over. I will do that....but right now, I just have to be transparent.

Right now I just feel like crying out to God and saying, "Enough already! I don't get WHY you bless us with such a beautiful gift as our children and then allow them to be taken away!" I have been there. I know I am not the first and unfortunately won't be the last....BUT ENOUGH! Babies being born with something wrong. Mommies and Daddies learning that while their beautiful child is still being formed in the womb that something is gravely wrong and that baby will never grow into the child they had dreamed about! Beautiful children being born completely healthy and then struck with a terrible disease that ravages their body and then takes them from their family. And children having completely wonderfully lives and then tragically being taken from our world!

I know, I know....the Lord giveth and He taketh away. I know death is a part of life...and I will praise Him daily for all of it....but right now my frustration cries out to HIM "WHY??" As tears roll down my face with pain for the families I know right now who are dealing with this and the families I don't even know who are dealing with this.....I know all I can do is pray. Pray for peace in the midst of the darkness. Pray for the moments of calm and rays of sunshine to shine through the clouds. And in time, for the moments of memories to bring happy tears to their eyes for the time they were blessed with their children instead of thoughts of anger and pain for their loss! As I ramble and hurt.....I guess I just wish there was something I could do to make it all go away. I wish their was something I could do to take away their pain. I wish for some kind of something...anything..that would allow our world to never have to suffer the pain of the loss of a child...in any matter...at any age. But it is when I am here, questioning and hurting, that my Father gently holds me and reminds me that He understands. He too, lost a child. He too, buried His son. He too, went through the darkness...and wept. But it is because of His loss, His pain and suffering that we can REJOICE! Rejoice in the knowledge that one day soon, we will be with our children again! We will run to them and be able to hold them as we long to today and be with them for eternity! We can rejoice in the knowledge of Him holding them and taking care of them until we can be together again! Thank you Lord, for giving Your Son, for you sacrifice. Accept me as I hurt, cry, scream, question, and rejoice all in the same breath. I ache for my children....I ache for others who have lost their children.....I ache for the time we will all be together again.

Thank you for the blessings of them. Thank you for the blessings of my friends and family now. Thank you for giving me your word to know that all of this is temporary. That the separation from my children will only last a moment...and we will all be together forever! I praise you for that!

"10. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm an steadfast. 11. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen."
I Peter 5:10-11